2023

The other night I was talking to an acquaintance (male) and the theory arised that something more should evolve from our friendship. As I do with every friend and every courter my answer is always “No”… It’s not that I’m anti-relationship, it’s just I’m pro-soul-mate. My friend gave me one of the best speeches I’ve herd yet… there was absolutely nothing I could debate, the reasons for a relationship where backed-up with substance. He told me I am waiting for an unrealistic ideal, that I’m waiting for a fantasy… that we chose our soul-mates…

Do we choose our soul-mates? Do soul-mates exist? Or am I truly holding out for something that will probably never come my way?

This is what I think…..

Yes, we choose. We choose at the very core of our being; a divine list is made that even our mental processing could never fathom… a recipe is formulated to match our DNA and no matter who we become, what we become, how we change— that formula is set into play, silently telling us to wait… and out of insecurity we often fall into the arms of compromise, second-best, our own creation but badly executed so-called soul-mate. I believe that there will never be a perfect person, but I believe, I will one day look at someone, and it won’t be my eyes that see them but my heat and spirit and I will perfectly love them. That in a single moment I raise my white flag and surrender to a feeling that is true and that I waited for and never cheapened. That I might have never heard his voice that prior I never felt the softness of his hands, never experienced a hug, or the scent that lingers from his cologne… I think it is worth be utterly alone, maturing into who you want to be rather than being infected by a numeral amount of relationships that are destine for complete failure. Life is too short to live with disappointment; one is capable of moving past a mistake, but one can never let go of the regret of having a life with a partner (s) you are even remotely disappointed in or feel you could have done better.

I rather be tied to an unachievable thought, and yes, maybe a horrifically naïve fantasy rather than being tied-down to someone that doesn’t give me a feeling absolute certainty of our compatibility and rightness for one another, that no matter what his flaws are they just make me love him more. Am I holding out for something that may never come my way? No.
Because you know those days, were your driving, and you randomly feel so passionately in love, in love with everything around you that you can almost taste a presence next to you, and you have absolutely no reason to feel that powerfully content… I believe that’s God’s way of letting you feel for a moment in time an incy-bincy taste of what He has waiting for you, if you can just wait for it.

Most people believe soul-mates do not exist, but I believe that is a sad man’s rationalization to accept that he was too weak to wait for something better, and now settled for less… I see great men dating garbage… Literally… and put their arms around the waist of an imposter, someone they weren’t meant to be with and live in the delusion that, that pathetic imitation of a forcefully made relationship somehow is good enough.

People think…. We have been together for a long time, I can’t just throw away what we have…. We laugh together; we like many of the same things… I have nothing to really complain about…. They make me happy.

HAPPY? Life shouldn’t be happy! Happy is a moment in time where you are currently experiencing something you want…. Life should be deliriously and passionately joyful. That every morning you wake with anticipation because your dreams simply can’t compare to the reality of how fulfilled you are, and how another can complete you…. That they have the capability to waken pieces of you that you never knew existed… they are Tinkerbell’s fairy dust and everything in your life starts to float with a whimsical thrill of finding your DNA Designed soul-mate.

People go through life expecting to find love, and so they search for it everywhere; people nowadays think they will find love through social media, you might find someone and you love certain things about them but it’s not unconditional love… People will resort to anyone or anything that might possibly meet their expectations of the love they expect to receive and through time they will continuously fall disappointed and become callus to the very idea of a soul-mate because they unrealistically and immaturely placed their hopes and affections on every stranger that would give them a moment of attention. That’s why gold-diggers are so successful in today’s world because people are too lazy to wait and become what they need to be in order to be the receiver of love that you can pay a slut with pretty much anything and she pretends to give you what you want. It’s like stock exchange if one investment goes bad; there are plenty of other stocks to choose from.
I am a firm believer, in soul-mates, unconditional love, chivalry, love at first-sight, serendipity, fate, destiny, and it adds an air of romance to my life that makes me love each and every day, but just because I believe in such things doesn’t mean I expect to be the receiver of it. Longing always leads to disappointment, disappointment leads to compromise and compromise leads to the idea that something that is poetically real doesn’t exist.

To steal a quote… that aids in making my point…

“Falling in love is very real, but I used to shake my head when people talked about soul mates, poor deluded individuals grasping at some supernatural ideal not intended for mortals but sounded pretty in a poetry book. Then, we met, and everything changed, the cynic has become the converted, the sceptic, an ardent zealot.”

–E.A Bucchianeri

And I have such zealotry when it comes to the idea of that ONE someone; that waiting isn’t a lonesome time but a time of preparation to become the best version of myself that when I do enter a relationship my dedication will be fully on the relationship because everything else in my life is organized, analyzed and I have a full understanding of myself of what I am and what I’m not, what I need and want, without self-blindness or arrogance or unrealistic expectations, but with a deep clarity and acceptance of myself and my life and what I will wait for without compromise….. I will then be able to properly mold myself into what is necessary for the man that I know is meant to be my forever-after.

And you may say that I contradict myself since I say I agree with Shakespeare when he said,

“Expectation is the root of all heartache.”

…. the thing is I’m not holding any expectations for anyone else but myself… To build a life around who I am want to be with a hope to find someone that I can love unconditionally regardless of who they are and that I don’t prostitute my affections to merely have someone, and that I wait for a love so honest on my behalf so I don’t waste my time or the time of another…. and if I don’t find that than I have lost nothing!