Good Morning Everyone!!
I hope all of you had a fantastic Valentine’s Day.
You know, I can’t help but to think of the German word “Firgun” it’s definition is the foundation for any true long lasting relationship considering with a few alterations..– (n) the act of sharing in or even contributing to someone else’s pleasure or fortune, with a purely generous heart and without jealousy; or of sharing credit fairly.
Though I love the romanticism that befalls on Valentine’s Day, it’s has also a negative impact for the generation of today. Almost like video games.. You play basketball, or, drive a car or plane and you assume that you could somehow have the basic talent to perform the same in reality. After Valentine’s day we fall hopelessly romantic to the gesture performed and fall disappointed when they aren’t kept up with, a week afterwards. And that’s where Firgun comes in; love is a gesture that should be kept up with in a dove-like simplicity… Beautiful, true, capable of great highs but simple. I say every one of you, who got the most romantic night last night, do something beautiful a week from now but tidbits of romance every day.
Light candles for dinner not just for special occasions, make dinner beautiful, buy a Japanese culinary book and practice artistic meals that are pleasing to the eye. Want to contribute the pleasure and fortune (of well-being and happiness) of your love one, without wanting credit (receiving something return) but with a truly genuine and generous heart to see them prosper and joyous. My mother’s mother would tell her:
Always live with passion, let your home be the home of love, treat your future husband with care and gentleness, make him not only a home but become his home and dwelling place of peace. Let every day pass with an abundant amount of gestures that profess your love even in the smallest of ways.
I always say
One should never get comfortable with love, familiarity is the death of romance.
And while we are still on cloud nine of romantic gestures we should seek the pleasure of keeping the flame burning.. For women: When your boyfriend/ husband comes home instead of telling him everything that happened to you, let him talk, ask him about his day.. if he seems quite, take the notion to be the same and give him a massage, put his feet up and make him feel pampered.. Love burns deeply, like a forest fire on the mere attentiveness to be attentive to your partners needs, particularly emotionally which then manifests physically.
If he barks, or experiences a crazy mood which every man will, shrug it off the shoulder, don’t take anything personally and you will see with your calmness, the guilt will sink in and he will apologize if he has any heart.. Relationships work best when you know the perfect combination of acting and not acting. If you have the occasional “US Weekend” surprise him, let him off the hook and rent a boat to go fishing or something that you know he enjoys and state “I thought you would like to do this, this weekend I thought we could do something you enjoy but if you rather go with your friends that’s fine.” And not with the smirky face like he’s dead if he chooses his friends over you.
You will see how he grows to appreciate the small gestures, like not asking him to wash the dishes when its his night and let him watch tv and relax.
For Men: though you dread the idea of gossip, ask her what’s happening in her life and if she starts getting really expressive with a higher pitch voice, go along with it.. “NOOOO, I can’t believe she did that” without the condescending voice. If she’s on a diet, its only for you, go buy her, her favorite piece of junk food even if it’s a coffee and tell her how beautiful she looks and that she deserves a little something sweet like her. We cook, we clean, we work, and we hurt, put on her girly movie and give her a foot massage.
An athlete (Li) I treated whom I’m not longer friends with.. did something to this day that I can’t help but to smile when I think how sweet it was…
My Mother and I had treated two other athletes before him which equaled eight hours on my feet, doing deep tissue injury therapy on men made out of rock, while my mom did her treatment. I had only one coffee and one Red Bull before I went to him and did another three hours of treatment on him.. and afterwards we watched the bachelor while his friend made us some yummy Lithuanian soup and watched with us.. there we were, the four of us on the couch watching reality tv both of them “Oh she’s no good for him..” “She don’t love him, she’s here for a few minutes of fame.” They were more entertaining than the show.. I was sitting next to Li and he took one of my hands and started to massage it and I took the other hand and there we were massaging each other’s hands… But it was sweet that he acknowledge that my hands were tired and cared, after every single massage, and we saw him every day for a year and then 3-4 times a week and he always said “Thank You Abby” or high-five me and say “Unbelievable massage”… He bought flowers for my mom and I, and what made it special was that it wasn’t in his personality, he was boring, rude, and at times completely unbearable and didn’t have a shred of sensitivity but he was delightful for the fact that he showed respect and care for my mom and I and all that we did, he did it in the smallest ways that most women would complain about and my mother and I found it like grandeurs gestures because we knew who he was.
So when it comes to love, it’s the small details that build the picture, the frame and the home that it hangs within.. “Redamancy” another noun with the definition: the act of loving the one who loves you; a love returned in full.
To be loved, one must first love, and you can’t do such if you aren’t aware of all the little things that will make the other happy.. So don’t get uncomfortable that you have someone, or that it’s a more “GET” than “GIVE” relationship, let everything be returned in full, that way the romance, the love, the relationship can keep burning with the same furry in which it began. Let everyday have little bit of Valentine’s tucked away within it, never expecting anything in returned.
❤ Avra Amar Filion