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Well today was one of those day that you eat breakfast at 8pm, tired from talking and telling everyone what to do and end up doing it yourself because its more exhausting trying to get another to understand what you are telling them. You finally get home and you’re thinking yourself “poo on the gym, pass me that chicken wing, get me a drink and it better not be weak” hahah

Which I did… I went to this amazing place that I eat at regularly called Beaver & Bulldog they have the spiciest chicken wings yet that I have tried in comparison to any other restaurant. I have done all the challenges and they taste blah.. Spicy should not be based on the sing of acid; but these wings, give just the right amount of burn in the back of your throat, but yet you can still taste the flavor of the pepper.

I order my usual 2lbs drumsticks only, well done, only carrots & garlic dill dipping sauce with a big boy container of their hot sauce (exorcist- it makes your head turn around)!

It’s the perfect meal to make you fill your being naughty. As I sing my Christmas carol “ I bring jolly good cheer when I drink my raspberry beer”…  before I left, I saw this little girl sitting with her family not saying a word, but with a little sad pout.. The father waved the waitressed over and smile like he knew what his little girl was thinking, and sure enough a plate was brought to her of sticky toffee cake with a lump of vanilla ice-cream and caramel syrup.

I was laughing, its in our nature not to express what we want, but yet we get all pouty and frustrated when we don’t get it (I’m speaking on the behalf of women).

Since I was able to say a prayer on my own that wasn’t

“Now I lay me down to sleep,

I pray the Lord my soul to keep,

If I shall die before I wake,

I pray the Lord my soul to take. Amen.”

I had asked for three things every night until I realized one of three I never had to worry about

  1. That my parents wouldn’t divorce (A lot of kids in my private school had parents who got divorce and these kids would talk to me and tell me that all mommies &  daddies break-up.. I was about 6 so this scared me.. But I quickly came to know that would never be the issue with my parents.)
  2. That my parents would never die
  3. That God would take me to heaven when He came.


Sounds like the childish requests of a child I know… I grew up having everything a little girl could ever want; I had every Barbie, every toy, and every nicnac… There wasn’t anything my heart desired that I didn’t get. My parents spoiled me unconditionally.

My sister always wanted what I had…. She bought mickey mouse stickers , I bought Hercules sitckers, she would play with her’s and then want mine and that hasn’t changed today.. Lucky now we have arrangements… a little tradey tradey…

When my mom bought me toys, specially stickers I never peeled them off , I wanted them new,. My toys, I would play with them and if it came in a easy box, I would put it back in the box every time I played with it.

Being in a private school you deal with little rich kids, and to this day I remember my peers always saying to each other  “I got this and you don’t” from little we learn to compete to have the newer thing, to be ahead of everyone and we do it in such a wrong manner.  Each year our wants change, we have no solid desires; what I mean is, that no matter how much we evolve into our own person, we should always have at least three desires/ true wants that never alter but rather ripen like a fine wine.

Growing up, yes I wanted things, I wanted that pair of shoes, I wanted that book, I wanted the iphone, I wanted the Bugatti… still do!!!   Its not a sin to want, it’s a controlled luxury.. but we should not work in order to fulfill our idol wants, we waste life chasing the wind and in the end we have gained nothing but material objects that once peeked our interest and now lost all value.  Its like Coach.. at first it was a name only certain people had…. “Coach” and you would say “oh she’s rich, she’s wearing Coach” everyone then wanted to be that image, to be that something special… and now a name that meant something of social status is nothing more than a mere poor man’s rich.. So now everyone is fighting to find the new Social changer that gives a new distinction of upper class and financial status.. people are blindly running to their end day without having any true wants and achieving truly nothing.

When I was in high school, I was hated by all cheerleaders.. why? I don’t know.. but I got the new phone the “Razer” before it was even on the market… and dear god it was war.. as soon it came out every girl was flaunting their razor and saying “your not that special, we have it too” the futile competition, everyday their wants changed, everyday more paranoid that maybe somebody has something they don’t. These people will grow-up and bear children that will surpass the teacher.. and we ask ourselves,…..why we have murders, why we have so many teen mothers, why do we have so many delinquents crawling the streets like ants in a colony?????????.. Then they strive to become leaders, political figures and they offer us everything our little greedy hearts desire, doesn’t matter who gives it to us, as long as we may possibly get it….

And we wonder why North America is in the economical crisis that it is in. We have never learn to want simplicity, values, things money can’t buy, that only morals can achieve. TO STAND FOR SOMETHING SO THAT WE MAY NOT FALL FOR EVERYTHING!

So I stand today surprisingly still only wanting three things..

1)    That I may never have to live with the pain of losing my parents, emotionally, physically, spiritually, mentally.

2)    My salvation and the salvation of my love ones

3)    ***

Knowing that there is only three things that truly matter to me and everything else in life is replaceable, unnecessary, a passing wave.. Puts my life in proper view, makes my goals achievable, makes me determine and focused, without getting sidetracked with passing amusements..

Coming home tonight, I watched one of my 5 favorite movies “Serendipity” it much describes my life right now, but in the end there is a beautiful speech and he says “You know the Greeks didn’t write obituaries. They only asked one question after a man died: “Did he have passion? “

I know my wants, and my desire is to live my life in utter passion. Never letting a second go where I didn’t explode with excitement, that I didn’t have blinders on my eyes, that even the flutter of a butterfly’s wing was capable to make me feel giddy and happy.. to dance in the rain with the man I give me heart to, to dance with no music on, to see a view that will forever be imprinted into my memory.

That when I take my last breaths, those I loved, know I loved them not only by words but by actions, that one day my children would say “Wow my mom did so many things, she really lived life”, knowing I never once intentionally hurt someone or betrayed them… that I had enough morals to inspire another and have enough mental photos to entertain angels.  To live with such passion to be able to share it with others in compassion.

 Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won’t either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could.

–     Lousie Erdrich

As woman  I know I will always want something pretty, sparkly, dainty, something picked just for me, I may not always know what I want when I go into the mall, and I may be frustrated if I leave without finding it. Its my right!

P.s The little girl in the picture reminds me of my Middle sister