Being a woman there is a role I must play to be part of the competition in finding a mate.. and simply put I refuse to play a role or be part of such competitions.. While many girls that I know and speak too are like insecure hyenas after an eagle but taste everything in between; some women will even devour their own children if they stand in the way in getting a man.
Speaking to an acquaintance who regularly comes to me when she has a dilemma concerning the opposite sex, decided to give me some unasked for advice.. She reads what I write and sees how blatantly blunt I can be with no qualms if whether the person I am speaking to likes it or not. She has told me on more than one occasion:
* “Don’t speak about God until you establish grounds with the person and don’t put it on facebook, incase someone may see it and then they may not like you and you never know if it could have gone somewhere” (She Christian by the way)
* “Don’t talk about your views on politics, morals, and right behavior of men and women, even if the guy asks you for your opinion, don’t give it! Its good to leave some mystery and if he doesn’t like your answer, it might end things and then you can’t explore where that relationship could have gone”
*“OMG AVRA DON’T TELL HIM IMMEDIATELY YOUR NOT INTERESTED.. YOU NEVER KNOW, YOU COULD HAVE GROWN TO LIKE HIM”
* “You have to hide most of your beliefs, ideas, opinions anything else really important from the guy until your in a solid relationship”
You would be surprised those quotes have been repeatedly told to me by women who are incapable to hold a true solid relationship and by 30 years old have had endless relationships and if anything have only been proposed too once and that’s if they’re lucky.
This is the key… Honesty!
I will not pretend to be something I’m not, I will speak my mind openly but with tactfulness, not to push my opinions on another. Women are so afraid that men won’t like them if they truly knew them, so they pretend to be everything that guy wants and then expects that man to trust or respect them.
So I want to answer those quotes!
1) Oh God forbid that some man that I haven’t met saw my facebook and didn’t like me because I’m Christian. HOW WILL I LIVE? Its my facebook, he doesn’t like it, I know playboy has a facebook page too, he can find what he’s looking for there.
I will boldly confess my faith while never forcing it on another. Religious views is the essence, the moral standards a person lives by, I will not hide mine because a guy may not like me. Nor should any other woman. Either he respects you and your views or don’t waste your time. * Note to men if a woman is willing to hide her faith in order to date you… YOU WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO TRUST HER!!!
2) Men don’t want to date a container of air just because it’s pretty with make-up on. Be your own person, be able to switch to any topic and speak with conviction and passion. A guy wants a girl who can put his friends in a state of “Cat got your tongue”
I remember when I was 10 years old my family moved and I went to a public middle school and all the girls hated me because I was known as the “rich city girl”… So the second day at my school there was a school dance and all the girls swarmed around me and they said “you could be part of our group if you can go over there and talk to that group of boys” —(this particular group of boys were the untouchables- 8th graders on the basketball team and were the cutest boys in the school, who never talked to girls that weren’t cheerleaders)
I wasn’t the prettiest 5th grader but I walked over to that group of boys that were approx 15. I tapped on the tallest & cutest boy’s shoulder, he leaned over as the rest of the group followed his lead and I led with “ The group of girls behind me, bet me that if I could come over here and talk to all of you and you talk back to me, they would be friends with me” the tallest boy “ Are you serious, you came over, talked to all of us for a bet?…. Do want to be friends with them?” I answered “Yes and no” the whole group laughed and said “ we like you” the group leader said “well you’ll hang with us.. the baby of the group”
From that one experience, I discovered the true simplicity of the reasoning of men and how easy it is to be accepted by them, and all it takes is for a guy to feel a girl is being straight with them. Men might not be the experts on sensing and feeling but they truly can feel when there are little bits of truth being hidden.
So women don’t be afraid to be who you really are, it’s the only way you’re going to find the ONE who is going to accept you for who you really are. Speak your mind boldly, show that you can converse with lucidity and ease without arrogance, that speaking to you is never a bore, but be the reason why he would need a dictionary, even sometimes be a debate, a challenge not always agreeing and laughing at every little crack he makes. Motivate him to expand his ideas and opinions while always being attentive to every word he speaks and never making him feel put-down if you don‘t share his sentiments. Conversations and properly put words are the foreplay of life.. Give him something to be excited about.
Mystery: that is a girl’s privilege just as much keeping herself hygienically groomed. What does it entail to keep a layer of mystery.. Simple: not telling him everything that crosses your mind. The women in my family say “a foolish women speaks to speak, but a wise woman keeps her thoughts captive and shares only what is necessary in the shortest form possible. Let her period be her period and her comma her comma”
Let at times your eyes do the speaking, let it be known that within the piercing eyes and beautifully put face, is a world just waiting to be discovered. Don’t throw your dirty laundry out for him see (that’s a metaphor) just because he asks if your upset doesn’t mean you have to burden him with your stress or feelings; answer his question saving the redundancies and only showing emotional stress when its absolutely called for. A man is to care, but they aren’t good when it comes to feelings and it makes them feel inadequate because they want to help and don’t know how to when they see a woman speaking purely based on emotions….. They are after-all logically based creatures and we as woman who can be both logical and emotional should even the playing grounds for them.
No one can teach another how to be mysterious; it’s a divine talent God carefully chooses to give to some women. So if you lack that gift, simply fall back on class.. a man will always chose a dog that looks clean rather than the dirty yappy dog that came from around the corner doing God knows what.
MOST IMPORTANT NOTE: MEN ARE NOT LIKE SHOES!!! You Don’t need to try on every pair, you don’t need to do a test walk, leave them on the rack and go directly to the one that calls your undivided attention, that fits you perfectly and matches the majority of the things in your closet. It annoys me to the point that my blonde hair turns red with anger, when I hear women say “well its just a little bit of time, I don’t know if I like him, I need to go out with him to see if we got something”
Are you serious? As a women you are so mentally inadequate to determine whether you like a man at first meeting or not. You are giving up the most precious thing.. YOUR TIME!! You never get back that minute that you spent with some random guy, that you and him were going to go absolutely no where and the reason you weren’t certain if you liked him or not, was because you didn’t like him and you just wanted a free meal or whatever else you could have gotten from the few “EXAMINING DATES”… Better yourselves, become the best you can become, wait and then let your heart decide the man who matches up to the person you’ve become!
3) When it comes to me… Well every person I have come across left me with a sense of emptiness. I did like someone, actually more than that I cared for him but I didn’t trust him and for me that’s book closed. I have a childish test that has proven to be most effective… regardless of how charming a man may be and trust me I have met men more charming and smooth than Casanova, I have met men very trustworthy, I have met men that could buy me the Moon & Sun and make clip-on earings out of them for me. Let me put it this way: I have met Mr. smooth, Mr. trustworthy, Mr. Fun, Mr. Friend, Mr. Handsome, Mr. Rich, Mr. Cheap, Mr. NBA, Mr. Nobody, Mr. Smart, Mr. Dumb and every other Mr. But Not Mr. RIGHT!
My test is simple: in first meeting if I could see myself kissing them.. and my answer has always been “NO” and if I can’t see myself giving them the thing I have been saving, I’m definitely not going to waste my time to date them… not even once, I will not nurture a friendship or anything else for people I don’t plan to keep in my life! It’s too draining to smile at a joke I don’t find funny, take the time to find out what peeks their interest and what their goals are in life or better yet their lack of goals, for an individual that I wouldn’t see spending another moment with, so why waste an initial moment when my mind is made up..
Dating is a special process, its where you put your heart into exploring someone, slowly but progressively opening yourself up to them hoping they do the same, learning all the things that make them happy, sad, discovering all the little things that sum them up and make up the person you want to date because you could see yourself one day marrying them.
Only recently did I meet someone that made the solid ground I stand on tremble and in that when I shook his hand, I too slightly trembled. Standing before him even if it were for a short few minutes, I saw a man who possessed all the wonderful qualities a man should possess and I was short for words, trying to plan the next sentence, that came out completely not as I wanted, but deep inside all I wanted to say was “Can I hug you”
He was kind and polite.. He is special for all the right reasons.. I acted like a high-school girl speaking to her crush for the first time and trust me it showed, no matter how hard I tried to compose myself… my eyes said everything my mouth wasn’t. That is the moment women should seek.
And the thing is, I had built such high expectations of this individual that I surely thought he wouldn’t be able to live up to them when I met him in person, and to my pleasant surprise he surpassed them. Its people like him that are able to give that emotional satisfaction in a mere minute that are worth waiting for.
4) Solid relationship.. haha it makes me laugh… What solid relationship?? They guy doesn’t even know who you are… The reasoning of insecure women “lets wait when we got him and he has no escape to show him the real monster we are… Brilliant.” … Be honest.. if your only after money just say “ hey, I don’t love you but I want to be supported” and let him choose if still wants you.. Don’t deceive men.. We all deserve respect specially when it comes to where we spend our time and its horrible to take the time of another letting him/her believe your something your not and there is no greater act of betrayal then to let someone believe you share uniform feelings as they.
Women always say “he played with me” but weren’t you doing the exact same with him. You weren’t with him for true love, you were with him for mere comfort.
So women respect yourselves, be yourselves and don’t waste your time nor his! Find the man that you would be proud to have a son who turned out to be exactly like him and be the woman that can make him proud!
And let me be explicit this is not an attack to women this is just an effective view that help women achieve the true relationship they want and seek.